i say pipe dream in the sense that right now i don’t think it’s realistic or healthy to even expect things to turn out that way.

not because i think it wouldn’t work or because i wouldn’t want to.

Per request, the archives on my old blog have been fixed. What I should really do it try and merge the databases and get all those posts displaying on this site, but that is a lot of work.

http://uudotcom.blogspot.com/

Enjoy

supposedly, lack of deep restorative sleep results in an increased likelyhood of lucid dreaming. based on my weekend’s antics and lack of sleep, i would concur. every dream i remember having last night was lucid.

simply put: glorious.

you know who you are.

To laugh is to risk appearing a fool,
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental
To reach out to another is to risk involvement,
To expose feelings is to risk exposing your true self
To place your ideas and dreams before a crowd is to risk their loss
To love is to risk not being loved in return,
To hope is to risk despair,
To try is to risk to failure.
But risks must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.
The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing is nothing.
He may avoid suffering and sorrow,
But he cannot learn, feel, change, grow or live.
Chained by his servitude he is a slave who has forfeited all freedom.
Only a person who risks is free.
The pessimist complains about the wind;
The optimist expects it to change;
And the realist adjusts the sails.

-William Arthur Ward

I’ve always wanted to start off one of these things with something like…

“I can think of only two times in my life that I have done something I truly regret, and today makes three.”

I cannot, however, think of anything in my life that I truly regret – sure, there are things I’d have done differently then knowing what I do now, but I don’t consider that regret. I don’t know what to call that… hindsight? I’m starting to stray, now, though; back to the topic at hand – regrets.

I have none. I consider this both a good and bad thing. Good because it means that I am on a path of my choosing that I am overall happy with. Bad because the continuation of this trend means that I will never get to start off one of these entries with the “I can think of only X times in my life…” line.

This is not to say, however, that I do not engage in decidedly stupid activities and behavior. Right now the needle of my fucked-up-ness-o-meter is banging violently around in the red zone.

Of course, I see this, laugh, and say to myself “wow this is so fubar”. Then I keep on doing it.

I can think of no other way to describe this than sprinting down a sand dune. If you’ve ever done it, you’ll understand. If you haven’t, let me try and describe the experience…

Running down a steep sand dune has three steps. The first is acceleration – you start to run. The neat thing about a good sand dune, though, is that gravity does most of the work for you. As you get close to a full dash (as you can in sand) you’re not taking the 2 meter strides you’d expect to on level ground. Instead, you’re watching a solid 15-25 feet of sand pass beneath you with every step. When you reach this point, you’re in phase two: Maintenance. Now it’s about keeping your self going. If you slow down too much, you’re going to fall on your ass. Similarly, if you accelerate too greatly, you’re going to take a nose dive. Maintenance is about finding that place just shy of disaster and staying there as long as you can – this feeling is why you run down sand dunes. The third phase is stopping; you’ve over accelerated, gotten tired and slowed down, or just reached the bottom of the dune.

What I want from life is to hit that perfect stride – a series of controlled falls, really – and just stay there for as long as I can.

the tingly spot on my right shoulder blade has returned.

sometimes, i want to write something and have another person read it and think “wow, me too”

“The sun goes up and then it comes down, but every time that happens, what do you get? You get a new day. When you breathe, you inhale and you exhale, but every single time that you do that, you are a little bit different than the one before. You are always changing and it’s important to know that are some changes you can’t control, but there are others you can.”

-Dan

i think this is from a third eye blind song, but i’m too tired to find out. these two lines from it have been going through my head since yesterday.

i have your face in a photo in high school when you were alive but that’s all i have and i can’t remember who i was myself then and it doesn’t help still i looked to you as a friend

other things we know are going to fall away from me like a grain of sand slips through a good friends hand