“Thank you, but I’d rather die behind the chemical sheds.”

“The latest Newsweek poll shows that 91 percent of American adults surveyed believe in God—and nearly half reject the theory of evolution”

Not that the two are directly related, but ever since I dated that crazy girl in highschool I always wonder what that half who rejected the theory of evolution would say when asked please explain dinosaurs.

“Dinosaurs never existed and all those bones we dig out of the ground are fake.”

That was actually her answer.

NotMe: so…
NotMe: where do you store an ego like that?
NotMe: can it even fit in your room?
Kraft110: deep pockets
Kraft110: ego is a low volume, high density material
Kraft110: doesn’t take up a lot of space
NotMe: ha

do you ever meet someone and you’re like “i like you, but you kind of creep me out a little bit”?

“i hate it when people walk around thinking they’re better than everyone else around them. i look at all these people staring down their noses and i think jesus christ, i am so much smarter than every fucking one of you.”

Here’s a link to the actual article

I love these things. Not because they’re helpful, but because they tend to be so very very wrong. Let us take a look!

Take notice
“I’ve found that women love getting compliments on their appearance. I always pick one aspect of how she looks and comment on why I think it’s fantastic. I try to be specific so she feels it’s genuine and not just an attempt to score points (even though that’s sort of what it sometimes is!). Instead of saying something general like, ‘You look nice’, I might say, ‘I really like your earrings; that shade of blue matches your eyes’ or ‘I love those boots; they make your legs look incredible.’ Women are amazed that I pay that kind of attention and they’re always appreciative.”
– Thom, 33, actor, Manhattan Beach, CA

This is actually pretty good advice. MSN: 1

Be spontaneous
“One thing women always comment on is that I’m a spontaneous, take-charge kind of guy—and they really like that. If I’m out on a first date and a woman mentions how she used to go bowling a lot when she was a kid, I’ll say, ‘So let’s go bowling right after we finish our dessert.’ Or if it’s winter and the mood strikes, I’ll drive a date to the beach, just to look at the water. I think women like a man who isn’t afraid to act on impulse and do things that really make you enjoy life.”
– Brian, 35, radio-station manager, Boston

Being spontaneous is great until you can’t find an open bowling alley. They you’re jsut a fuck who wasted fourty-five minutes. Brian: 1

Talk the talk
“Most people love talking about themselves, so when I first meet a woman I’m interested in, I’ll ask questions so that she’s doing most of the talking. Not only does it make her happy, but it’s a great way to get to know her—everyone wins! I usually ask about her childhood first — Where did she grow up? Did she like it? What did her parents do? — and then I’ll ask questions about her present job, apartment and her goals for the future. Women are drawn to me because it’s clear I’m not just drawn to them for their looks.”
– Danny, 30, graduate student, Pittsburgh, PA

Not only does it keep her talking, but since you never speak it also gives you a chance to get into her pants before she realizes that you don’t actually have a personality. Brian: 2

Play the charm card
“In my experience, I get a lot more dates than my friends because I flirt—a lot. I think dating should be a fun, playful experience. So I’m not afraid to approach a woman but before I launch into a corny pick-up line I’ll say, ‘Promise me I get a do-over if you hate this opening line.’ Or I’ll go over to an attractive woman and ask her, ‘What’s it like being the prettiest girl in this room?’ I have to say, I think my relaxed, joke-y way of approaching women really works.”
– Tom, 38, architect, Chicago

I got nothing on this one. MSN: 2

Find a funky, fun first date
“I always try to take a girl on a really different first date—one that will show her that I’m a spontaneous, up-for-anything person. I shy away from the typical dinner or movie and instead choose something that’s different and cool, yet still within her comfort zone. I can’t say it’s always cheap or easy, but I like the creative challenge of coming up with something memorable and romantic. I’ve arranged for a private, at-home cooking lesson with a chef from one of my favorite restaurants, scheduled a rooftop massage for two and even once took a girl on a helicopter ride over the city. I want her to feel like she’ll always have fun if she continues to see me. And the strategy has been working, knock wood.”
– Michael, marketing strategist, 29, New York, NY

Lets count the women that have gone through the revolving door of your ‘fun first dates’- four were mentioned and there were probably a lot that weren’t. So let us consider for a minute… either your first dates actually suck or they’re great and you’re just a tool bag giving out free hot air balloon rides. Next. Brian: 3

Eye, eye, sir
“When I am with a woman—whether I am talking to her, dancing with her, or eating with her, I make as much eye contact as possible. Not in a creepy way, but in a way that communicates, ‘I am paying attention to you and am genuinely interested in being here with you.’ Essentially, you want to convey that you only have eyes for her, no pun intended. Nothing makes a woman feel more insecure than a guy with whose eyes are darting around the room. I find women respond to this and really open up.”
– Oliver, 29, lawyer, Hartford, CT

So… you’re really saying “don’t oggle the other women in the room while you’re on a date”. No shit? Brian: 4

No call-waiting
“Contrary to what you see in the movies and on TV, I think it’s always best to call a girl when you say you are going to call and not play stupid waiting games. What’s that all about? If I tell a girl I’ll call her tomorrow, I do, and I always get a good reaction. In fact, I think it’s sad when girls are surprised that I follow up as promised. The right kind of girl doesn’t want a guy who plays games. Treat a woman with respect, and she’ll want to be around you.”
– Jeffrey, 31, sales representative, Chamblee, GA

The irony here is that some chick on the female half of this article said to play the waiting game. You can’t both be right, which means one of you is wrong, which means I’m not, which means I win. Brian: 5

Be a gentleman
“I admit it’s old-fashioned, but I always open doors for a woman, pull out her chair before she sits and stand when she gets up from the table. Women are sometimes a little surprised by my actions, but ultimately they appreciate it. A woman once told me that doing those things made her feel like a lady and that’s what it’s all about. If you treat a woman like a Queen, she’ll want you to be her King, so to speak!”
– Larry, 27, lawyer, Miami, FL

Once while walking out of class, I had a girl slam every door of the two building in my face because she felt i was walking to close to her. If I ever see her again, I’m going to hold open the door for her then slam it in her face as she walks through. I’ll say sorry and act like it was an accident- the door slipped! At this point, the trick will be getting in front of her again so I can slam the next door in her face, too. Brian: 6

A decisive victory for me.

Brian: 6 MSN: 2

pft.

I don’t know if I like what you say, or just the way you look when you say it.

To be honest, I really don’t care.

the best part of being objective is knowing what stupid things you’ve done are probably okay to do again a second or third time.

but to my credit, i only lied because i had sort of forgotten about the other two. or blocked them out. or something.

anyway, they were both a long long time ago (and within a span of like 2 weeks of each other) as well as with the same guy. he was physically abusing a friend, which lead to the two encounters. neither were real fights, however… mostly he just fell down. i think a lot of abusive men hit women because they figure that those are fights they can win.

so yeah. five fights.