i hate trying to fix my class schedule after UM breaks it.

this has happened three terms in a row now.

some days i wake up and think to myself “what happened to cause it all to get fucked up so badly?”

today is one of those days.

that question could be answered so many ways, but i don’t know that i have any good answers to that question.

i threw away a huge part of my life and i think my justifications for doing so were lacking. hell, six months later and they’re still lacking. it’s been my experience that the farther you distance yourself from a situation the easier it becomes to see the things that were wrong with it. ironically, the farther away i’ve gotten from this situation the more apparent it has become that things weren’t wrong with it; it was pretty much perfect.

sometimes, you are your own worst enemy.

I believe that we are solely responsible for our choices, and we have to accept the consequences of every deed, word, and thought throughout our lifetime.

-Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

caught it on television tonight. this movie never gets old.

Do you like Phil Collins? I’ve been a big Genesis fan ever since the release of their 1980 album, Duke. Before that, I really didn’t understand any of their work. Too artsy, too intellectual. It was on Duke where, uh, Phil Collins’ presence became more apparent. I think Invisible Touch was the group’s undisputed masterpiece. It’s an epic meditation on intangibility. At the same time, it deepens and enriches the meaning of the preceding three albums. Christy, take off your robe. Listen to the brilliant ensemble playing of Banks, Collins and Rutherford. You can practically hear every nuance of every instrument. Sabrina, remove your dress. In terms of lyrical craftsmanship, the sheer songwriting, this album hits a new peak of professionalism. Sabrina, why don’t you, uh, dance a little. Take the lyrics to Land of Confusion. In this song, Phil Collins addresses the problems of abusive political authority. In Too Deep is the most moving pop song of the 1980s, about monogamy and commitment. The song is extremely uplifting. Their lyrics are as positive and affirmative as, uh, anything I’ve heard in rock. Christy, get down on your knees so Sabrina can see your asshole. Phil Collins’ solo career seems to be more commercial and therefore more satisfying, in a narrower way. Especially songs like In the Air Tonight and, uh, Against All Odds. Sabrina, don’t just stare at it, eat it. But I also think Phil Collins works best within the confines of the group, than as a solo artist, and I stress the word artist. This is Sussudio, a great, great song, a personal favorite.

-Patrick Bateman

and my body hates me. wakeboarding is one of those things that uses muscle groups that you didn’t even know you had until they become unresponsive…

that’s right, i said unresponsive- my body isn’t in pain so much as it is numb. my arms don’t want to lift. my legs don’t want to carry me around. nothing hurts aside from my right hip, but most everything is probably going to hurt tomorrow.

i would kill for a massage.

i have been entrely too lazy and apathetic as of late. there’s a plethora of little things that i should have done a week ago that i just never seem to get around to doing…

like putting the basket of clothing in the corner of my room into drawers, or email jeanette (jeanette, if you read this email me and i’ll totally email you back, i swear - bvangild@umflint.edu), or upload a couple pictures off my phone onto my computer, or change the batteries in my fucking alarm clock, or buy a new pair of jeans and some t-shirts, or make copies of a couple CDs so i can keep them in my car and room (because i’m too lazy to carry them back and fourth?), or start playing the guitar again for even just a minute or two every day…

just to name a few.

Q: so what am i so busy doing?
A: nothing. i go to class every day and then… i do nothing.

it’s not that i don’t do stuff and just sit on my ass or anything like that; we’ve had two boats break and we’ve knocked down our back garage and we’ve had a bunch of landscaping done and an underground sprinkler system put in (way cool, btw) that i’ve been left in charge of along with the multitude of other chores that go along with living on a lake. so… i’m busy, i suppose, but not with anything of substance.

i need to get out of the house. i am far, far, to insulated at the moment from the rest of the world.

dear beyonce,

while driving home from class your song “irresistible” came on the radio. i just wanted you to know how impressed i was with your style and lyrical aptitude when i heard you rhyme “minute” with “minute”.

love,

brian